


Kate

by KINGOFMODS



Category: The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: Gen, Neil is proud, Their first time smokin....., Weed, super short thing I forgot I wrote and never posted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 10:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24848593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KINGOFMODS/pseuds/KINGOFMODS
Summary: “Stop bloody patronizing me Neil! I know very well what I’m doing alright?!”Rick tried making it a point to keep all fear out of his tone but naturally, he already appeared overwhelmed.For once in the group’s existence, they all sat on the living room floor, together.Even odder than that was the fact that Neil was the only one who knew what he was doing.Rick for one, had never held a bong in his life.
Relationships: Vyvyan Basterd/Rick (Young Ones), if you squint
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Kate

**Author's Note:**

> Found this shit on my computer from forever ago when I was a stoner and decided to post :,) I love these guys... I hope u enjoy!!

“Stop bloody patronizing me Neil! I know very well what I’m doing alright?!”

Rick tried making it a point to keep all fear out of his tone but naturally, he already appeared overwhelmed.  
For once in the group’s existence, they all sat on the living room floor, together.  
Even odder than that was the fact that Neil was the only one who knew what he was doing.

Rick for one, had never held a bong in his life. 

Thankfully, the bar of idiotic mistakes had been set prior to the foreign mechanism making it into his twitching hands. Vyvyan went second and ignored all warnings given, puffing up his cheeks and blowing into the chamber. Murky water splashed everywhere before he shouted angrily.

“WHYS IT STOPPED WORKING? YOU’VE BROKEN IT NEIL!”

Once everything got patched up it was put to proper use, Vyvyan strangely quiet now while waiting for his next turn. It couldn’t get any worse than that and yet, Rick’s collar still grew hot watching Mike lean over with the match.

Instinctively, the scrappy anarchist drew back. For all he knew the glass could explode like a stick of dynamite. 

“What’s wrong?” Mike prodded.

“There isn’t anything to be afraid of Rick…” Neil offered, seemingly unaffected. 

“I’m not afraid!” He barked back. “ I just…! How do I know this stupid thing even works eh?! You aren’t acting any different than your typical dumb slow self!”

Neil frowned at that and Mike came to the rescue.

“Neil’s done this plenty of times, it’s gonna take a second but then all’s well. Now, are you gonna hit this or not? And I don’t mean with your fists,” 

A moment of tense silence passed before Rick gave in, shifty eyes darting about.

“Fine! I’m ready,” he pronounced before awkwardly shoving his lips against the mouthpiece. 

Mike obliged in lighting it and Rick followed every step feeling terribly impressed with himself. 

He pulled for a long while to seem extra imposing until things caught up with him. He moved away, shoving the appliance into Neil’s arms and hacking hard enough to shake the walls. The other’s watched him surrender to the sink and rip on the water, gulping it between coughs and chokes for clean air. Vyvyan, at last, acted like himself, deciding to cackle at Rick’s evident pain as he typically would. 

“Oh yeah, Vyvyan? Laugh it up!- GUEgh- M-Meanwhile you’re the one that made it rain!-” Rick managed to spew out between mouthfuls of water.

“Everyone coughs their first time Rick,” Neil comforted, handing things off to Mike. Rick resented that, shoving off the tap despite still needing it. 

“Oh, hoopty doo! W-acghh-We get it alright? Everyone knows it’s not Neil’s first time dabbling in pot! Well some of us have better things to do!”

“That’s enough Rick, now sit down,” Mike instructed, “Vyv, light this for me,” 

“Don’t mind if I do Michael!” Vyvyan replied smugly, thankful for any opportunity to light something aflame. He struck the match, glazed eyes and silver stars glowing orange momentarily before bringing the light to the bowl. They only made it back to Vyvyan’s turn when Rick decided to speak up again. 

“I’m still not feeling anything Neil! Are you sure that thing isn’t broken?”

“Well if you keep trying to think hard about it, you won’t be able to like… relax…” Neil explained, brushing long strands of hair out of his face thoughtfully. 

“Bongs don’t break Rick,” Mike explained, prompting Vyvyan.

“SURE THEY DO! WATCH,” 

Not a second allowed protest before Vyvyan chucked the apparatus hard against the floor, letting it shatter in a mess of shards and mucky liquid.

Neil stared in heartbreak; Mike’s mouth fell slightly agape.  
“…Well isn’t that fantastically convenient?! Seeing as it was my turn next!” Rick accused bitterly.

“I SUPPOSE SO” Vyvyan realized, “THAT’S JUST A PERK THEN!”

Neil groaned, letting his face fall into his hands, possibly even crying. Mike comfortingly put a hand on his shoulder before slowly advising:  
“Now… you two apologize…” 

“What?! Why should I apologize?!” Rick sputtered.

“Er…Right, sorry I meant Vyvyan… Vyvyan apologize to Neil,” Mike ordered hazily. 

His friend’s zombie-like command literally struck fear in Rick’s chest. Is that what pot does?  
Make you stupid?

“EUGH FINE… IM SORRY YOUR BONG IS SO BREAKABLE NEIL,” Vyvyan half-heartedly apologized. 

For some reason that made Rick’s lip twitch. He snorted before shielding his mouth like a child. 

Neil sniffed.  
“It’s not funny Rick…”

“I mean, just the way Vyvyan said it is all,” Rick clarified, grinning a bit wider. He didn’t feel finished blubbering so he kept talking until realizing he had no clue what he was talking about.  
“The word bong is so stupid y’know? Who decided we should call it that? Seriously...............”

Oh no. It already happened, right under his nose.

“Am I…high yet?” 

“I think so,” Vyvyan pitched in at normal volume, eyelids droopier than usual. He almost swore he caught a faint smile on the punk’s lips. Oddly, he couldn’t help but grin as well, a lightness to his limbs. 

“If we don’t call it a bong what should we call it?” Mike wondered aloud, rising to his feet. Everyone joined him, staring down at its desecrated remains splattered across the carpet. 

“Neil Jr,” Neil sniffled.

“Don’t be so sexist Neil! Your bong should be a woman!” Rick demanded 

“My hands are cold,” Vyvyan complained.

“Why not Kate?” Mike suggested

“We can’t do that,” Rick again.

“Why not?” Vyvyan squinted.

“There’s already a Kate right there,” Rick motioned. 

At that moment, colorful lights splayed about the room as Kate Bush danced and sang where the table typically sat. Rick waited for her grand exit to speak again but forgot what he was going to say until another minute passed.

“You oughta clean that up Neilll,” he drawled, motioning flimsily to the sharp fragments they’d been staring at for the duration of Kate’s musical number. He found himself viciously amusing, even more so than usual.

“Aw, you’re right…” Neil agreed. 

“WAIT!” Vyvyan interjected, reaching down and picking up a couple of remnants, popping them into his mouth and crunching noisily.  
“Kate doesn’t taste that bad. Better than lentils,” he noted.

“Spit that out Vyvyan, why don’t we go get some real food?”Mike implied. 

Everyone sounded off enthusiastically at a more subdued volume. Think a very mild: "Yeaaaaaaaah!......" 

“But first…. We should have a funeral,” Mike proposed.

“We aren’t having a bloody funeral for a booong,” Rick interjected with a chuckle. 

Next thing he knew Vyvyan’s hand was on his overalls and he was stumbling into the garden. The ceremony proved soul-crushing for Neil who claimed it should have been him instead and parted from Kate with one final wish: 

“I hope God is putting her to good use like… making clouds in heaven,”

“I hate to break it to you Neil, but god isn’t real. Even if he was he wouldn’t smoke pot,” 

That only made Neil cry more.

“Do anyone else’s legs feel wobbly?” Vyvyan chimed in. Rick immediately hopped subjects and clung onto his shoulder in agreement. Surprisingly he wasn’t pushed off, seeing as they were both too zoned to care.

“Yes yes yes! I feel as though I’m knee-deep in a kiddie pool,” 

“ I feel like-“ Neil began to explain before Rick cut him off.

“SO! Michael, you mentioned food?” 

“There aren’t too many places nearby,” Mike sighed.

“WE’LL JUST TAKE THE CAR, THAT’S WHAT ITS FOR ISINT IT?” Vyvyan loudly suggested, nearly obliterating Rick’s eardrum.

“Can’t you pick one volume Vyvyan?!” Rick criticized.

“Well if we take the car I suppose Burger King isn’t completely out of the question,” Mike nodded, watching stars form in his friend's eyes.

Neil remained teary.  
“Well… We’ve got cornflakes at home haven’t we?” he tried.

“BURGER KING, BURGER KING!” Vyvyan started chanting. Rick joined in, the two dancing flimsily before Mike shushed the two of them. 

“Alright, everyone in Vyvyan’s car.”

They all slinked to the front yard as fast as their sedated bodies could carry them.

“Fuck!” Vyvyan suddenly cried.

“What?! Are the pigs here?! I swear it was all Neil officer! He drugged me, I’m innnooocent!”

Neil stood taken aback by Rick’s false confession before Vyvyan explained.

“We’ve only got two seats,” 

Everyone scowled, instantly defeated. 3 minutes passed of pure silence.

“We’ll have to lap up,” Mike ultimately determined, eyes blazed behind his ever so cool shades.

“Eugh you’re joking!” Rick whined. “That’s completely unsanitary Michaaeell!” 

“Do we want Burger King or not?” 

For some reason, Rick’s stomach felt emptier than usual. There was a desperate urge to fill it.  
“Fine,” they all agreed.

Vyvyan forgot his oath to wring Neils neck if he so much as looked at the vehicle, unphased by the hippie slipping into the passenger. Mike’s small form fit perfectly well on the giant's lap. They paralleled a ventriloquist act. That left Rick and Vyvyan.

“Ladies first,” Vyvyan motioned.

Rick sneered at the comment before cautiously climbing in behind the wheel. Vyvyan hopped right on top of him, squashing Rick’s valuables before concluding. 

“SHIT! I’ve left the keys inside! Just a minute,” 

He climbed out, allowing Rick the courtesy of recovery before returning and repeating the action over again. Rick’s hands instantly jerked to try and correct the pain but stopped upon realizing there was no hope, gripping onto the sides of his seat for some sort of comfort.

“Alright… hit it Vyv!” Mike hesitantly commanded.

Vyvyan revved up before Neil howled “Wait!”

“This better be good Neil I’m starving!” Rick fretted.

“We… We haven’t got any money,” Neil reminded them all. 

The comment genuinely drove a hole through Rick’s heart, Mike pinching the bridge of his nose in stress before Vyvyan slammed his forehead against the wheel. The airbag shot out and crushed the two of them before everyone piled out, Rick’s abused body flopping out onto the driveway. They regrouped on the doorstep, sat in line like a depressed, stoned, Mount Rushmore. Vyvyan’s eyebrow bled and Rick’s ribs were bruised.

They all began to understand how Neil felt. 

“Where’s my supper Neil?” Vyvyan accused tiredly before their newfound leader shuffled inside to cook up those cornflakes he’d mentioned. 

“Why is my mouth so dry?” Rick wheezed, head rested sullenly against Mike’s shoulder since Vyvyan stole his lap.

“As is mine, Vyv why don’t you yell for Neil to bring us a cuppa………. Vyvyan?” 

By the time Neil returned the others were curled in a pile on the steps, snoring loudly. He’d never seen them all so calm. He gladly kept all the cereal to himself after dragging his unconscious friends up to their rooms, tucking them in tightly. Rick half woke up in a daze at some point to whisper something about being a bastard into his shoulder… yet he refused to let go when being put back in bed.  
It made Neil feel important for once, superior like they all really did need him.

No one said thank you in the end but they all woke certain of their next task: Save up enough to purchase Kate #2.


End file.
